Kumpulan Cerpen Lucu Terbaru 2018 Yang Wajib Anda Tau

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Kumpulan Cerpen Lucu Terbaru 2018

Kumpulan Cerpen Lucu Terbaru 2017 - Cerpen Lucu merupakan cerita pendek atau susunan perkataan yang bersifat lucu. Terdapat beberapa kategori lelucon, dari lelucon sederhana hingga lelucon yang memakai sarkasme. Lelucon biasanya menyenangkan untuk sebagian orang, tapi lelucon itu menjadi menyakitkan bagi pihak lainnya.

Kumpulan Cerpen Lucu Terbaru 2018

Gamer Sejati Mencari Cinta

Malam sudah terlalu larut saat Ali amran masih berkutat di atas keyboard komputernya. Tangan kanannya masik asyik memainkan mouse dengan gerakan yang bervariasi. Maju mundur, kanan-kiri. Cepet sekali. Matanya masih kuat menatap layar monitor yang terbilang cukup lebar. Dari wajahnya jelas sekali tampak kegembiraan bercampur keseriusan kala menatap layar yang cukup terang. Rupanya suatu game fps online sedang asyiknya ia mainkan. Lupa kalau jarum panjang dan pendek jam dinding di atasnya sudah berimpit menjadi satu.

Game online memang sering mebuatnya lupa akan segala hal. Temasuk makan, tidur bahkan mencari pasangan untuk menemani kegundahan hatinya. Baginya game yaitu hidupnya. Dan hidupnya yaitu untuk game. Ia akan sangat sanggup bila diajak betanggang sampe berhari-hari di depan layar komputer hanya untuk bermain game online. Baginya itu yaitu kesenangan yang Tak Bisa dibayar dengan apapun. Terbukti untuk menemui kesenangan itu ia rela menghabiskan banyak uang demi suatu game yang menurut Putrari –teman satu kontrakannya- sangat membosankan. Namun ada sisi lain dari hatinya yang gundah walau game favoritnya sedang ia mainkan. suatu undangan pernikahan dari teman karibnya. Temannya yang dulu sering menemaninya betanggang di warung-warung internet. Teman yang dulu sama-sama merasakan pahit manis, getir dan sakit sebagai seorang gamer sejati. Namun Kini ia sudah akan melepas masa lajangnya.

Ia berkaca diri memutar memori lama mengenai sahabat karibnya itu. Kalau dipikir-pikir, ia Tak kalah ganteng dari temannya itu. Setidaknya beda tipis. Ia juga Tak kalah cerdas dari temannya dalam hal merayu wanita. Walau ia sering banyak menyontek dari situs-situs di dunia maya. Ia merasa dijengkali, ada rasanya dia ingin seperti temannya itu. Punya pacar yang lumayan, dan setelah itu menikah. sebab memang umur mereka sudah terbilang cukup untuk membangun suatu bahtera rumah tangga. Tapi sayang jangankan menikah, pacar pun Tak ada.

Mouse yang sedari tadi ia gerak-gerakkan tiba-tiba berhenti. Ali menghela napas panjang. Dalam benaknya terlintas untuk mulai mecari pasangan walau hanya sebatas pamer dengan teman-temannya. Malu rasanya dikala teman-temannya sudah punya pasangan masing-masing, tapi dia sendiri hanya jomblo sejati. Ia bangkit dengan rasa pening yang menggigit sebab terlalu lama di depan layar monitor. Mencuci muka yaitu solusi yang bagus untuk menyegarkan pikiran dan menghilangkan sedikit rasa peningnya. setelah itu kembali duduk terpaku di depan layar yang mungkin sudah bosan menatap wajahnya.

Pikiran mulai menerawang jauh memikirkan rencana-rencana yang akan ia ambil untuk mencari seorang pasangan. Ia mulai dari yang sederhana dengan membuka situ facebook dan log in ke akun miliknya. Temannya lumayan banyak, rata-rata cewek cantik dengan pakaian seksi dan gaya yang menggoda. Namun sayang dia cuma penggombal di dunia maya. Tak banyak keberanian dalam dirinya untuk menemui langsung wanita yang ia idam-idamkan seperti pada wanita di akun miliknya.

Ada satu nama yang sering mengganggu pikirannnya. Seorang gadis dengan rambut panjang terurai hingga melewati bahunya. Mata yang lumayan besar dan lembut menatap mengisyaratkan keinginan untuk selalu diperhatikan setiap lelaki. Kulitnya terbilang putih dengan sedikit jerawat di sekitar pipinya. Nama gadis ini Sisilia. Gadis yang selalu ia sapa walau hanya lewat pesan singkat di facebook. Chattingan-nya acap kali Tak dibalas Sisilia setiap ia dan Sisilia kebetulan online. Tapi Tak mematahkan semangat Ali untuk menemui hati si gadis. Segala macam cara ia kerahkan. Mulai dari Perkataan-Perkataan mutiara, puisi hingga cerpen-cerpen alay khas anak remaja yang entah di mana ia dapatkan. Sayangnya reaksi si gadis Tak seperti harapannya.

Ali memukul-mukul lembut keningnya dengan dengan jarinya yang sudah menghitam sebab terlalu banyak menghisap rok*k. Matanya mulai menerawang menebus pusaran waktu. Ia mulai mencari memori-memori kala ia sukses menemui hati seorang gadis di SMA dulu. Mungkin caranya dulu Bisa juga ia gunakan untuk medapatkan hati Sisilia, wanita dengan bibir merah merekah. Pikirannya sedikit berhenti pada suatu pola rencana. Wajahnya sumringah seolah ia baru memenangkan suatu lotere besar. Dan ia yakin mungkin rencana ini Bisa medapatkan hati si gadis.

Tanpa pikir panjang, Ali Amran si gamer sejati mulai melancarkan Agresi. Ia mengirimkan pesan singkat lewat inbox si gadis. Isinya menyatakan bahwa ia mempunyai 2 tiket nonton film Bodyanguard. suatu film Bollywood yang dibintangi Salman khan dan Karina Kapoor. Kebetulan Sisilia yaitu penggemar berat film dari Negara yang punya bangunan indah Taj Mahal itu. Selama ini Ali Tak berani mengajaknya bertemu langsung. Tapi sebab waktu sudah mepet, ia terpaksa memberanikan diri kopi darat dengan gadis yang masih satu kota dengannya.

Pintu rumah dibuka saat Ali masih sibuk merangkai Perkataan-Perkataan yang pas untuk mengajak Nonton si Gadis. Ia Tak menyadari Kimus teman satu kontrakannya masuk dan menepuk pelan pundaknya.

“yah li, serius kali nampaknya ni ya?” ucap Kimus menggoda setelah melirik sedikit pesan singkat yang sedang susah payah dirangkai Ali.

Kontan Ali terkejut, Cepet ia buka tab lain di Mozilla untuk mengalihkan perhatian. Wajahnya sedikit merah. Mungkin malu. sebab sebagai gamer, ia pernah sesumbar Anti dengan yang namanya “Perkataan-Perkataan Alay” untuk mendakati cewek. Baginya gamer sejati wajib turun langsung kelapangan untuk menyatakan cinta. Tak wajib bertele-tele. Namun Fenomena membuatnya wajib menelan kembali ludahnya.

“Alaah, gitu aja sembunyi-sembunyi li..” kimus setelah itu beranjak ke tempat tidur dan menghempaskan diri di atasnya setelah seharian jalan-jalan dengan pujaan hatinya. Tak lama, suara dengkur keras terdengar dari balik kamar.
Ali kembali membuka pesan yang sudah dibuatnya. Dibacanya kembali dan ditimbang-timbang mana tau ada Perkataan-Perkataan yang Tak pas dan Tak nyambung. Setelah semua siap, dengan mantap ia mengirim pesannya ke si Gadis yang selama ini dia dambakan untuk memilikinya.

Besoknya, kegelisahan tampak menghinggapi pikirannya. Sudah seharian ia tunggu balasan dari Sisilia. Tapi tak kunjung jua tiba. Apakah ia salah mengirim pesan? Atau Perkataan-katanya terlalu lebay? Atau si gadis memang Tak mau menerima ajakannya? Semua kegundahannya membuat risih Reja teman satu kontrakannya juga. Sebagai pria yang terbilang sukses menemui hati setiap wanita, ia tahu betul kegelisahan apa yang membuat temannya yang jarang mandi ini uring-uringan. 

“Manga Ang yuang? “Tanya Reja dengan bahasa minang yang Anemia lancar. sebab memang dia bukan asli keturunan minang, tapi keseringan bergaul dengan teman-temannya yang rata-rata minanglah membuatnya sedikit paham bahasa minang.
“Alun makan lai, ba a lai..” jawab Ali singkat.
“makanlaaah…”
“ndak ado nan lamak do jha..”
“ba a tu? Ang kasmaran atau ndak ado pitih?”
“Ntahlah”
“coba tengok aku li,” Perkataan reja kali ini Tak memaksakan diri berkomunikasi dengan bahasa minang sambil menunjuk dirinya sendiri.

“ganteng, putih, tinggi, dan idaman setiap wanita dan..”
“bukan, bukan itu maksudku.” potong Reja Cepet daripada membuat hidungnya mengembang. “coba lihat aku, walaupun aku banyak masalah di kantor atau aku sering betengkar dengan Rea, tapi aku tetap happy.” Katanya sambil mebuat senyum lebar yang dipaksakan.

“alah, banyak cerita, kau pun sering ku tengok ngerok*k diam-diam di kamar kalau lagi ada masalah kan.” Sindir Ali.

Reja menggaruk-garuk kepalanya pelan setelah itu beranjak meninggalkan Ali dengan segudang kegalauannya. Sebelum berangkat kerja, Reja membagikan sedikit Tutorial untuk mengatasi kekurangan percaya diri di depan cewek setelah Ali akhirnya mau cerita mengenai masalahnya. Namun hanya dianggap angin lalu oleh Ali yang dijuluki si Kuali oleh si Reja ini. Memang mudah untuk mengucapkan daripada menjalankan. Begitulah Ali Amran, terbilang sulit menerima masukan dari teman-temannya.

Tapi nampaknya Tak berselang lama. suatu message yang menimbulkan suara “ting” dari Blackberry Ali setidaknya memudarkan wajahnya yang sedari tadi seperti jeruk purut. Pesan Fb yang selama ini dia tunggu-tunggu akhirnya datang juga. Dibacanya dengan napas yang sedikit tertahan. Isinya kontan membuat Ali berteriak suka dan melompat-lompat kegirangan. Kimus yang sedari tadi masih tidur di kamar sebelah Turut berteriak. Bukan teriakan suka, tapi teriakan marah sebab telah merusak waktu istirahatnya yang berharga. 

Ali secepat kilat menyambar handuk yang mungkin sudah 3 minggu belum dicucinya tanpa menghiraukan makian Kimus yang sudah mencak-mencak. Di pikirannya hanya terlintas mandi dengan sabun super wangi, gosok gigi dengan pasta super pemutih gigi, berkumur dengan obat kumur super pedas dan membuat lidah terbakar. Sakit girangnya ia hingga salah membedakan mana yang pasta gigi dan mana yang sampo. Tak lupa juga ia memakai deodoran dan parfum super bikin hidung kembang kempis.

Dan akhirnya, di sinilah Ali. Dengan meminjam sepeda motor Kimus ia hingga di Bioskop yang tak jauh dari rumahnya. Tak sabar rasanya melihat langsung pujaan hatinya dari dekat. Melihat wajahnya yang baby face, rambutnya yang panjang terurai, kulit putih yang bersinar dan bodi yang aduhai. Pikirannya melayang jauh membayangkan dirinya dan pujaan hati dari dunia maya itu bermesra-mesraan di suatu taman yang indah. Dengan bunga-bunga merekah ditemani secangkir teh Hangat dan sebatang rok*k. Alangkah seronoknya bak dalam film-film Alay yang sering membuatnya jijik. Namun kali ini ia sangat mendambakan adegan-adegan film-film alay itu hadir dalam hidupnya.

Sekilas adegan dalam pikirannya tiba-tiba sirna saat seorang gadis pendek menabrak dirinya. Kalau dilirik, gadis ini punya mata bulat dengan wajah bopeng-bopeng sebab jerawat. Rambutnya panjang dan diikat. Kulitnya agak hitam. Setelah meminta maaf, si gadis ini setelah itu duduk di salah satu kursi yang Tak jauh dari tempat Ali berdiri. Memainkan laptop yang dikeluarkan dari tas sandangnya yang besar dan memesan 1 cup cappuccino dingin. Sesekali dia melirik jam tangan dengan gundahnya. Jelas sekali dia sedang menunggu seseorang.

Sudah hampir satu jam lebih dari waktu yang dijanjikan. Kaki Ali rasanya sudah kesemutan setengah mati. Namun pujaan hatinya Tak kunjung datang. Mau nelepon tapi nomor tak ada, pulsa pun tak ada. Mau kirim message, kebetulan paket internetnya Demisioner tak lama setelah ia hingga di bioskop. Jadilah ia sabar menunggu dengan tampang iri melihat muda-mudi bergandengan sambil memesan 2 buah tiket sambil sesekali cekikikan mesra. Tak berbeda jauh dengan gadis di dekatnya. Sudah 3 gelas cappuccino ia habiskan. Berkali-kali dengan wajah cemberut bak jerut purut ia memandangi terus jam tangannya. Mungkin sebab sudah bosan menunggu ia beranjak dari tempat duduknya. Merapikan laptopnya dan pergi tanpa minta maaf setelah untuk kedua kalinya ia menabrak Ali.

Mungkin sebab sudah Tak tahan lagi menuggu, Ali juga mengambil langkah yang sama. Mengikuti si gadis ke luar dari ruang tunggu bioskop dengan wajah merah padam sebab menurutnya ia sudah dipermainkan. Setelah ke luar dari parkiran, ia memacu sepeda motornya sekencang-kencangnya dan hampir aja menabrak uwak-uwak tukang becak. Kesal, marah, dan sedugang rasa emosi dan kecewa sudah memenuhi pikiran dan perasaannya. Ingin rasanya ia menabrak sepeda motor yang dinaiki pasangan muda-mudi yang bermesra-mesraan tanpa memikirkan perasaan orang-orang jomblo di sekitar mereka. Mungkin itu cukup mengobati rasa sakit hatinya. 

Sebelum hingga di rumah, ia singgah dulu di konter pulsa. Sekedar mengisi pulsa dan membeli paket internet untuk menemui Keterangan dari cewek yang sudah membuatnya kecewa. Tak sabar menunggu, ia langsung berselancar ke dunia maya dan membuka akun facebooknya. Mengirim pesan ke inbox Sisilia. Hanya pesan yang singkat.

“saya sudah menunggu hampir 1 jam, tapi kamu Tak jua saya temukan. Kamu di mana?”

Ali memang Tak memakai foto aslinya dalam akunnya. Hanya gambar salah satu karakter dalam game yang sering ia mainkan. Ia hanya mengatakan bahwa ia memakai baju kaos pendek warna biru dengan celana jeans panjang warna hitam. Ada tulisan “Gamer will be Never Die” pada belakang bajunya supaya mudah ditemukan si cewek. Di benaknya muncul sedikit keraguan apa banyak juga yang memakai baju yang sama seperti dirinya. Ah tapi Tak, Ali menyangkal, sebab bajunya termasuk limited edition hadiah dari turnamen game yang pernah ia ikuti. Sedangkan si cewek sebaliknya. Ia Tak mengatakan akan memakai apa untuk pertemuan nanti. Ia hanya mengatakan ikutilah hati nuranimu, pasti ketemu. Dasar sinting pikir Ali. Satu-satunya pentunjuk hanya foto-foto di akun facebook si cewek yang sangat ia hapal dalam kepalanya. 

Hari sudah mulai gelap saat Ali hingga di rumah. Terdengar suara ribut dari dalam rumah. Suara khas yang sangat dikenal Ali. Siapa lagi kalau bukan Kimus Salihani, temannya yang suka ngocol dan sering membuatnya terpingkal-pingkal. Tapi kini Kimus tampak sedang Tak bercanda. Wajahnya yang kusut dengan tahi mata yang masih menempel di mata menandakan ia baru aja bangun.

“woii li, ko Nampak baju aku?” Tanya Kimus sedikit lantang.
“Mana tahu aku, aku aja baru pulang.” Jawab Ali santai sembil membuka kaosnya yang sudah basah oleh keringat. setelah itu dilemparkannya sembarangan ke tempat tidur. Merupakan kebiasaan buruk Ali yang terbilang malas meletakkan baju kotor ke tempat pakaian kotor. Padahal sudah disediakan satu orang satu keranjang untuk pakaian kotor oleh Putra yang juga satu kontrakan dengannya.

Kimus yang kelihatan pusing mencari baju kesayangannya langsung berubah ekspesi. Wajahnya merah padam. Matanya menatap nanar Ali sambil telunjuknya mengarah pada Jomblo Sejati ini.

“Muka sempaak, ko rupanya yang pakai baju aku ya, cape aku nyarinya. Ni baju pemberian Lia. Mana wajib ku pake hari ini buat jalan-jalan nanti. Sekarang udah bau sempak gara-gara keringat ko!” 

Ludah Kimus ampe muncat kemana-mana. Gunawan –teman 1 kontrakannya juga- yang kebetulan lewat di depannya juga terkena imbasnya. Saat Gunawan hendak mengelap percikan ludah Kimus yang mengenai wajahnya, Ali mengambil baju yang dilemparnya tadi. Membolak-balik baju dan memeriksa dengan teliti. Impulsif ia menepuk keningnya setelah menemukan kesalahan fatal yang pernah ada dalam hidupnya. Ternyata di belakang Kaos itu bukan tertulis “Gamer will be Never Die” tapi Tulisan berbeda yang membuatnya sedikit geli. “Lover will be Never Die.” Mungkin sebab terburu-buru ia Tak memperhatiakan bagus-bagus tulisan itu.

Tanpa memikirkan Kimus yang mencak-mencak sebab sudah mengotori baju kesayangannya, Ali menyadari alasan mengapa si gadis Tak Bisa menemukannya. Dengan kesal ia lempar kaos ke muka Kimus tanpa rasa bersalah dan Cepet-Cepet membuka akun fbnya kembali. Untung aja ada panggilan telepon di handphone milik Kimus. Dari ringtonenya jelas itu dari pacarnya. Kemarahannya sedikit mereda.

Ali Tak sabar mengirim pesan pada si cewek. Meminta maaf sebab salah membagikan informasi. Sebelum sempat memijit-mijit tombol QWERTY Blackberrynya, tiba-tiba ada 1 pesan masuk. “Dasar cowok sialan. Mempermainkan aku ya?! Sudah 1 jam aku tunggu. Gak ada cowok yang Makai baju kaos “Gamer will be Never Die.” Yang ada ku tengok tadi cowok bertampang bloon dan paok yang Makai baju “Lover will be Never Die!”

Begitulah pesan yang dibaca sekilas si Ali. Singkat, padat, dan berisi atau lebih tepat disebut pedas dan menusuk. Dibantingnya handphonenya ke atas tempat tidur. setelah itu duduk terkulai di depan layar monitor yang sudah terlalu bosan ia pandangi. Tatapannya kosong dan menerawang jauh memikirkan kebodohan yang telah diperbuatnya. Rasanya Tak adil kalau hanya dia yang dihakimi. Bukankah si cewek juga begitu? Membiarkan dirinya menemukan dengan susah payah si cewek hanya dengan berbekal petunjuk foto facebook. Bukankah itu egois? Lagian dia juga tak kalah lama menunggu si cewek. Satu jam lebih jua. 

Kalau diingat-ingat kembali, ada satu cewek yang juga menunggu lama sama seperti dirinya. Cewek bertubuh pendek, berwajah bopeng-bopeng dan kulitnya agak hitam. Ah pasti bukan dia, pikir si Ali. Sisilia yang dikenalnya di facebook justru kebalikannya. Tapi bagaimana kalau seadainya itu memang Sisilia? atau memang foto-foto yang selama ini dipamerkan itu yaitu bukan Sisilia yang sebenarnya?

Ada pikiran kecewa bercampur malu dalam benaknya. Kecewa kalau seandainya cewek yang selama ini selalu mengisi relung hatinya bukanlah seperti harapannya. Malu kalau seandainya teman-temannya tahu, kalau sebenarnya cewek yang selalu dibangga-banggakannya di depan mereka –melebihi pacar mereka– bukanlah seperti yang ia ceritakan. Apalagi kalau melihat tabiat Kimus yang suka mencari bahan lelucon dari dirinya. Mau ditaruh di mana nanti mukanya. Kepalanya digelengkan kuat-kuat membuyarkan semua pikiran negatifnya.
“Tak, pasti bukan dia.” Ali mencoba membagikan pikiran positif dalam kepalanya.

Yang namanya penasaran tetaplah penasaran. Untuk itulah, dia memberanikan diri bertanya langsung kepada Sisilia pakaian apa yang ia kenakan waktu itu.
“Maaf Sisilia, saya Tak mempermainkan kamu, bahkan saya juga menunggu kamu. Saya salah memakai baju. Ternyata saya memakai kaos sama persis dengan yang kamu bilang. Itu memang saya. Maaf sekali lagi.” tulis Ali. Setelah berpikir sejenak setelah itu ia melanjutkan, “Kalau boleh saya tanya, apakah kamu memakai baju kaos merah yang di depannya ada tulisan ‘Jodoh itu Datangnya Tiba-tiba?”
setelah itu mengirimkan pesannya itu tanpa pikir panjang lagi.

Sambil menunggu jawaban Sisilia, Ali memantik rok*knya dan menghisap kuat-kuat sehingga membuatnya terbatuk-batuk. Begitulah kebiasaannya kalau sedang dilanda kecemasan atau kebosanan. Kalau seandainya jantungnya Bisa berbicara, pasti dia akan mengatakan, “Semoga bukan dia, semoga bukan dia.” Tak lama setelah Kimus selesai mandi dan mengenakan baju kaos hitam dengan gambar sempak besar di depannya, balasan yang ditunggu-tunggupun akhirnya datang jua. Pesannya cuma 3 Perkataan. Tiga Perkataan yang membuat hatinya hancur berkeping-keping. 3 katanya yang membuatnya berpikir cinta di dunia maya itu yaitu cinta yang buta dan sia-sia.
“Ya Itu Aku!” begitulah pesannya.

Tak pernah dalam sejarahnya dia merasakan sakit yang sangat di hatinya. Sakit merasa dibohongi dan dikecewakan. suatu undangan pernikahan dari teman seperjuangan di dunia game dulu menambah rasa sakit itu. Apa gamer gak Bisa lover? Atau gamer wajib tetap selamanya menjadi gamer? begitulah pikiran bodoh melintas kembali dalam benaknya.

Besok-besoknya, Ali jarang sekali membuka kembali akun facebook miliknya. Jangankan membuka, mendengar Perkataan facebook atau sosial media lainnya membuatnya jijik. Baginya sekarang yaitu menghibur diri sepuas-puasnya di depan layar monitor dengan game fps online favoritnya. Keinginannya untuk mempunyai pacar secepatnya ia buang jauh-jauh. Ia juga mengacuhkan Insinuasi-Insinuasi Kimus yang acapkali mengganggunya. Di benaknya sudah ditanamkan doktrin, “Gamer yaitu pria sejati” sebagai penghibung dirinya yang sudah lama menjomblo.

Cerpen Karangan: Muhammad Yusuf
Pegawai PT. PLN (Persero) Pembangkitan Sumatera Bagian Utara
Alamat: jl. Kol Bejo Gg. Sena No. 34 Medan-SUMUT
Didedikasikan untuk teman-teman seperjuangan di kontrakan dulu.

SALAH NURUNIN RESLETING

Tumini seorang wanita dewasa pegawai suatu kantor swasta asing pagi itu mau berangkat kerja dan lagi menunggu bus kota di mulut gang rumahnya. Seperti biasa pakaian yang dikenakan cukup ketat, roknya semi-mini, sehingga bodinya yang seksi semakin kelihatan lekuk likunya.
Bus kota datang, tumini berusaha naik lewat pintu belakang, tapi kakinya kok Tak hingga di tangga bus. Menyadari keketatan roknya, tangan kiri menjulur ke belakang untuk menurunkan sedikit resleting roknya supaya agak longgar.
Tapi, ough, masih juga belum Bisa naik. Ia mengulangi untuk menurunkan lagi resleting roknya. Belum Bisa naik juga ke tangga bus. Untuk usaha yang ketiga kalinya, belum hingga dia menurunkan lagi resleting roknya, tiba-tiba ada tangan kuat mendorong pantatnya dari belakang hingga Marini terloncat dan masuk ke dalam bus.
Tumini melihat ke belakang ingin tahu siapa yang mendorongnya, ternyata ada pemuda gondrong yang cengar-cengir melihat Tumini.
“Hei, Anemia ajar kau. Berani-beraninya nggak sopan pegang-pegang pantat orang!”
Si pemuda menjawab kalem, “Yang nggak sopan itu situ, Mbak. Masak belum kenal aja berani-beraninya nurunin resleting celana gue.”

Si Jono

Iteung baru aja di terima sebagai guru bimbingan konseling di suatu sekolah.

Suatu hari dia melihat si Jono berdiri sendirian di pinggir lapangan belakang sekolah, sementara ada murid yang lain sedang asyik bermain bola di tengah lapangan.

sebab merasa kasihan, Item mendekat dan menyapa dengan ramah. "Hai Jono, bolehkah Bu Guru menemani kamu?"

"Iya, boleh Bu", Jono menjawab. Tapi Etos mata anak itu masih tertuju pada teman-temannya di tengah lapangan.

"Ah, anak ini kasihan sekali.. Pasti dia ingin Turut bermain", pikir Iteung.

Sebagai guru bimbingan konseling yang bagus, Iteung ingin tahu masalah apa yang membuat Jono menyendiri seperti itu.

Item pun bertanya, "Kenapa kamu berdiri di sini sendirian, jono?"

Jono menjawab "Saya sedang jadi kiper, Bu."

Iteung.... @#$%?_&^(/???)^_^

Peringatan saat Tidur

Tidur merupakan salah satu cara istrihat yang paling bagus dan maksimal. Sebagian besar anggota tubuh akan beristirahat saat tidur. Kekurangan tidur Bisa berbahaya bagi kesehatan. Tidur yang cukup akan membuat tubuh menjadi segar kembali dan bersiap untuk melanjutkan aktivitas sehari-hari pada keesokan harinya. Namun tidur dengan cara yang salah juga Bisa berakibat fatal dan menimbulkan penyakit. Inilah Peringatan-Peringatan saat tidur yang wajib diketahui oleh semua orang.

1. Jangan tidur memakai jam tangan

Sebagaian besar Tak mengetahui, jam tangan menandung gelombang radioaktif, meskipun tak banyak tapi bila keadaan ini berlangsung terus-menurus akan berbahaya bagi tubuh.

2. Jangan tidur memakai bh

Menurut hasil temuan para ahli dari amerika, bahwa memakai bh diatas 12 jam disinyalir berpeluang besas mengakibatkan kanker payudara.

3. Jangan meletakkan HP diranjang saat tidur

Usahakan untuk menaruh hp jauh dari tempat tidur sebab gelombang radioaktif yang terpancar dari HP Bisa membayakan dan merusak system syaraf manusia.

4. Jangan tidur memakai kosmetik

Bersihkan kosmetik saat hendak tidur sebab pemakaian kosmetik saat tidur Bisa menyumbat pori-pori wajah dan menimbulkan masalah kulit.

5. Jangan tidur dengan istri orang

Jangan-jangan anda Tak bakalan bangun lagi (sebab dibunuh suaminya)

6. Jangan coba-coba jadi polisi tidur, apalagi di jalan tol

Pikirkan sendiri.. tanya kenapa?

NAIK LIFT

Icha yaitu salah satu karyawan hotel berbintang lima di Surabaya. Suatu hari dia mendapat telepon dari Fitri, teman masa kecilnya dan merekapun terlarut dalam Dialog hangat. Setelah beberapa lama mengobrol, mereka mempunyai ide untuk bertatap muka dengan cara langsung guna melepas kerinduan diantara mereka. sebab Icha sangat sibuk dengan pekerjaanya dan tak bis meninggalkannya sedetikpun, mereka memutuskan untuk bertemu di tempat Icha bekerja yaitu di hotel Saturnus lantai 10 blok 01.

Singkat cerita, Fitri Futuristis hotel Saturnus. Sesampainya di lantai satu, Fitri kembali menelepon Icha.

Fitri : Hallo... Cha... sekarang aku sudah berada di lantai satu, tolong jemput aku yach!

Icha : Kamu langsung naik aja ke lantai sepuluh, liftnya disebelah resepsionis.

Fitri : Aku gak berani naik sendirian, aku kan orang asing di hotel ini, entar aku dikira orang Kejam lagi!. Jemput aku dong, please...

Icha : Ya... okelah!. Tunggu bentar, jangan kemana-mana!.

Setelah beberapa saat menunggu, batang hidung Icha muncul juga dan Icha mengajak temannya itu untuk naik ke lantai sepuluh.

Icha : Aku heran sama kamu sekarang!.

Fitri : Emang kenapa dengan aku Cha?.

Icha : Dulu, waktu di sekolah, kamu kan cewek paling pemberani diantara yang lain, hingga-hingga kamu dijuluki cewek superman. Kok sekarang mau nemui aku aja minta dijemput segala!.

Fitri : (sambil berbisik dan sedikit menahan tawa), Jujur aja Cha..., sebenarnya aku itu gak tau cara memakai lift...!.

Icha : Hah....!!!???

Ibu dan Anak

Ada seorang ibu orang medan yang tengah mengatuk mau tidur
Lalu tiba-tiba anaknya bertanya: "Mak, Mamak udah pernah injak Jakarta?"
Si ibu menjawab "Udah nak"
Terus si anak bertanya lagi: "Kalau Bandung?"
Si ibu menjawab: "Udah anakku.."
Terus si anak bertanya lagi: "Kalau Jogjakarta udah?"
Si ibu menjawab: "Udah.."
Lalu si anak bertanya lagi: "Kalau Surabaya, Makassar, Papua, Aceh, Ponianak, Pekanbaru, Balikpapan, Manado, Kendari, Pangkal Pinang, Batam, Palangkaraya udah mak?"
Sambil menahan kantuk si ibu menjawab: "Tidurlah nak, tinggal mulutmu aja lagi yang belum mamak injak"

Seorang Profesor

Profesor Carter berjalan kaki mengunjungi rumah seorang temannya yang terletak di ujung jalan. Setelah makan malam dan bermain catur, dia berpamitan hendak pulang. Tapi tiba-tiba hujan turun dengan derasnya dan angin bertiup sangat kencang.
"Jangan pulang dulu, hujan sangat deras dan udara sangat dingin juga. Menginap aja di sini!," cegah temannya. Sang Profesor Cepet menyetujui tawaran tersebut. Maka temannya itu masuk ke dalam rumah dan menyuruh istrinya untuk menyiapkan tempat tidur.
saat dia keluar lagi ke ruang tamu, ternyata Profesor itu sudah Tak ada. Dia dan istrinya mencari-cari ke segala sudut rumah, akan tetapi Tak menemukan Profesor.
Tiba-tiba terdengar orang membuka pintu dan masuk ke dalam rumah.
"Profesor Carter! Darimana aja engkau?" seru temannya.
"Ya? aku pulang sebentar ke rumah untuk mengambil baju tidurku," jawab Profesor.

 Baca Juga : Perkataan Perkataan 

Demikianlah informsi yang Bisa admin sampaikan mengenai Cerpen Lucu , semoga bermanfaat dan membuat sahabat terhibur dan Tak galau lagi...

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